Honey, whats this, whats happening, whats going on here?
Grace, honey, we've talked about this outfit.
Honey, youre simple, youre shallow, and youre a common whore, thats why were soul mates! Karen
Kare, youre my best friend in the whole world! Jack
Grace, tell Will to redirect his anger at his mother where it belongs.
Martini, honey, and dont waste any space with those olives!
Hi, Poodle. Karen
Whos your daddy? Jack
You are. Karen
Oh, for Gods sake, its just the four of us. Grab a bottle, hunker down, and pray for daylight.
Oh, honey, well here, charge yourself a little happy.
Im sorry; you must have mistaken me for someone else. My name is Anastasia Beaverhousen.
(mockingly) Honey, whats going on, whats happening, whats this all about? Grace
Honey, whats this, what are you doing, whos that suppose to be? Karen
It feels like theres something missing in my life. You know, like my soul is on empty. -JACK
You can go alotta years on empty, honey. Trust me.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! This is a place of business! Were trying to get some work done in here and we dont need you just bargin...Okay, Im saying it and I dont even buy it. (starts laughing)
Smitty, whats it all about? Oh wait, I dont give a crap! (starts laughing)
Oh Im telling you, shes evil! Im being tortured in my own home; shes irresponsible, shes lazy, she drinks, and worst of all she makes fun of what I wear. What are you suppose to say to a woman like that?
Im Stanley Walkers bitch!
I quit -KAREN
Why because I saw you in one lousy movie? -GRACE
No, Grace, because the balance of power has shifted between us. You used to put me on a pedestal and look at me like I was some kind of a super woman; the epitome of everything thats good, and decent, and true. -KAREN
Um okay. -GRACE
But now when you look at me all youre going to see is the woman in that video...The bossy, domineering, heartbeat who uses her body to get what she wants
Lordy, Lordy, look at all the freaks.
Meats and cheeses, you are rockin my clock Mary!
I am trying to create a moment here! -KAREN
Right, so tell him... -GRACE
Im still talking. -KAREN
All im saying... -GRACE
Quit interrupting me! -KAREN
Dont yell at me! -GRACE
Im not yelling! -KAREN
YES YOU ARE!! (really loud) -GRACE
(very sad) God, honey, I was just trying to tell you a little story -KAREN
Oh my god, youre a big lez!
FROM EPISODE "HOMO FOR THE HOLIDAYS"
He also told her I was his girlfriend -GRACE
And she bought that??? -KAREN
(With her feelings hurt)
Why wasnt I your girlfriend, queerbait? -KAREN
You told your mother that grace was your girlfriend! How could you? -KAREN
Karen I didnt even know you when I made up that lie. -JACK
Oh yeah? Well when you met me then you should have broken up with her and hooked up with me. -KAREN
Youre married, Im gay. -JACK
(mockingly) Not in the lie -KAREN
Okay, Im thankful that I found a pharmacologist who is dumb as a box of hairAnd my secret is, Jack and I were doing the dirty dirty while you two were still together! -KAREN
Karen, how come you moved in on her man? JACK'S MOM
No, no, no, no, no; he came onto me, he was looking for a real woman not someone who just lays there like bib lettuce, ha ha ha ha ha, bib lettuce. -KAREN
The truth is, after 2 weeks with her he come running back to me. -GRACE
He did not!! -KAREN
Oh, but he did. What were his exact words again? Oh, yes, my Hearld and Maude phase is over. -GRACE
Oh I have half a mind to throw this martini right in your face! (then starts drinking it) -KAREN
Are you workin' me, Wilma?
Why doesn't this chair come with an airsickness bag?
Oh, sorry, I'm late. Oh God, that sounded insincere, I'm late! ha ha ha ha
Honey, I'm busy, touch yourself.
He should be killed. KAREN
He happens to be be the sweetest, most thoughtful, most sensitive guy I have ever gone out with. I think he's great. GRACE
Makes me wanna barf, I wanna kick him til he's dead, honey KAREN
You're in a gay club with a nice ass, start shakin' that money maker!
KAREN: Don't give me that "hee hee hee!" How dare you come between a man and his wife! What you're doing is morally wrong! I have kids with that man! His ex-wife's body is ruined as a result! But he's all I've got. You think that you're coming between me and Stanley Walker, you're not gonna get him without a fight. That's right, lady, put 'em up!
TINA: Who's Stanley Walker?
GRACE: Karen, she's having an affair with Will's dad.
KAREN: Oh. Oh! Well, good for you, honey! He's a good catch, keep up the good work, you got a nice ass!